


First Kill

by Akuoni



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 21:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30095358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akuoni/pseuds/Akuoni
Summary: Thou shalt not Kill
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	First Kill

He grew up Catholic and the first law is you shall not kill

He knows that killing is unavoidable, but that’s different from the rawness of watching the spirit leave the body. The light of life snuffed out like a candle flame.

It’s raw and horrific and he can’t even stop to process it because he has to save Bucky. Bucky could be one of those broken dolls of flesh and bone with no one to know how important he is

And then he sees the ray and it’s worse because then _there’s not even a body_ and what if Bucky is just gone and his grave will sit empty and not even the resurrection will see them reunited because Bucky’s Jewish and Steve is Catholic and he would rather rot in hell than be without his best friend and guilt twists in his gut even as he doesn’t regret the thought

And he saves the others because they’re there but Bucky isn’t and for a moment he resents the captives who are all suffering because they aren’t Bucky who’s suffering and who should be dead because _nobody comes back from there_ but he’s alive and then a man rips his face off and they have to take a leap of faith and the world is burning around them but Bucky’s _alive_ and right there and looking at him like he’s a stranger because he isn’t little Steve Rogers, the sickliest mike in Brooklyn.

And then they have to take so many walking wounded so far On foot and in what few vehicles escaped the explosion and he’s the only one who can hear and see and know the way back and he has to lead and stay strong and protect the exhausted men until they can get back.

And then there’s talking and debriefing and a team to build and he finally has a moment to escape and he hides in his tent alone because Bucky’s with the rest being a good sergeant and taking care of his men while Steve’s in the tent hurling his guts into a bin and shaking and scratching his arms til they bleed, but they heal almost as soon as the welts appear until he’s spotted and flecked in the color he couldn’t see until it was red like Peggy’s lips. Like the red that bloomed on Abraham Erskine’s breast. Like the red that flecked his ma’s napkins that had to be burned because they were contaminated with consumption but they’d always been brown to his broken eyes.


End file.
